My 5’5, 240-lb father laughed in front of our whole family and asked his 5’3, 110-lb daughter, “How do you even have a boyfriend?” I had survived years of his “jokes,” and even a school counselor laughing when I begged for help. That night, I put my plate down and cut him off for good.

He thinks it’s funny to put me down about my weight. When I first introduced my boyfriend to him, he said aloud he’s surprised anyone would date me. The worst part is he knows how much it has affected me in the past. When I was a senior in high school, I confided in my school’s counselor about it, but she laughed in my face. She said I was delusional and if I have self-image issues, I need to be put in a ward. This brings us to yesterday. I visited my parents’ house for an extended family gathering, and very quickly my father began making fun of me. He said, “Look at how her thighs jiggle, look at her stomach folds when she’s sitting”. I was on the verge of tears already, but he made one more remark that completely sent me over. He asked, “How do you even have a boyfriend, is he into whales or something? I mean, can he even find the hole?”.

At that moment, I lost it. I stood up and through tears started screaming, “[ __ ] you! You weigh more than twice what I do”.

“Your gut rests on your thighs and you’re insulting me! What kind of a dad are you? I hate you,” I cried. He looked around stunned, with his mouth agape. Then he finally responded with, “Excuse me! I am your father, you will respect me! If not for me, you wouldn’t be alive right now”.

I was crying by this point and asked him what he gets out of humiliating his own daughter in front of people. Instead of taking any form of accountability, he just brushed me off.

He told me he was only joking and I need to stop being so serious. He added that I can’t help my body turned out the way it did. He then once again told me to stop being dramatic and accept that it’s a joke. I ended up leaving the house right away. I drove home with tears streaming down my face. By the time I got back to the apartment, my boyfriend could tell right away that something was wrong. He asked me what happened, and I just broke down. I told him everything: how my father had humiliated me in front of the whole family, how he kept making fun of my weight, and how he said that disgusting thing about him being into whales. My boyfriend’s face turned red with anger as I kept talking, and I could see his fists clenching. I’ve never seen him so furious. He hugged me tightly and told me over and over again that I didn’t deserve any of that. He said that my dad was completely out of line and that I was perfect just the way I was. It felt good to be held, but the pain of what happened still stung. He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. He asked, “I can’t believe he’d say that to you. How could he be so cruel? You’re beautiful and you deserve so much better than this”. I could tell he was barely keeping it together. He declared, “I want to talk to him. He can’t keep treating you like this”. I shook my head, wiping away my tears. I pleaded, “No, please don’t. It’ll only make things worse. He won’t listen to you and I don’t want to create more drama”. I added, “I just, I just want to forget about it for a while, please”. He sighed but he nodded. He promised, “All right, if that’s what you want, but promise me if he ever says anything like that again, you’ll tell me right away”. He insisted, “I can’t stand the thought of him hurting you like this”. I nodded and hugged him again. I confessed, “I’m just so lost right now. I don’t know what to do”. Update one. I sat my father down as per my boyfriend’s request and tried to speak to him again. It ended up being the same as the previous times. My partner’s father has heard of what’s been happening but never witnessed it until yesterday. My parents came over to visit again with no knowledge that my partner’s parents were there. It was only a visit for planning my 21st birthday. My dad didn’t seem to care that there was a new member to the audience and started his joking around. I was wearing a pair of tights which some of you know as leggings, as my sweats were dirty. I rarely wear tight clothes as it gives my father more fuel to his insults. I was making coffee and he shouted, “Why are your thighs jiggling like that? Do you actually train?”. My mother laughed like it was the funniest thing ever and I heard a smack and my dad yelping straight after. That’s a common thing between my parents, but it usually only happens in front of others. My future in-laws didn’t say anything, but I could see they were confused and annoyed. After the next couple of pinches and comments, my partner’s dad lost it. He started berating my dad and told him that he’s a pathetic excuse for a father. He told him that for all these years he had to ensure I was okay because he didn’t have a clue to raising a child. He said how sick he was for even thinking it’s okay to treat a daughter like that. He made sure to tell him how he has damaged me mentally to the point of just accepting it. He mentioned how many times his son had to hold me until I cried myself to sleep over one of his jokes. That went on for what seemed like forever, and my partner soon joined in. It ended up being turned to my mother who tried to switch sides again. My partner’s mother is a good woman, but she has a nasty side, and she wasn’t afraid to show it. She is one woman you don’t want to upset. She ended up saying that they either apologize and get the F out, or they no longer have a daughter. They apologized, but my dad still couldn’t see why it’s so wrong to joke. “It’s what fathers do, apparently,” he claimed. I was crying during the extent of it and still am. I am not crying about the fight, but the fact that I know just how pointless it was. I was right, as he came back today and gave me a bag with holes cut into it. He announced, “I got your birthday outfit! You won’t actually fit into a dress so I got this bin bag for you”. He continued, “I even made the holes bigger for your arms and thighs too. Make sure to wear a belt”. I just froze in place and could only focus on his smirk. I was still standing there, bag in hand, as he drove away later on today. I got a message from him related to my writing and art that he found. He started mocking that too. He commented on how I wish I could be as perfect as the characters I come up with. I use writing drawing as a way to cope, and he is right. I do wish I could be that perfect, that confident, normal, but I’m not. I’m a screw-up, he made that clear. He made sure to let me know that I will never be as good, that I don’t have the gene that’s been passed down through generations. Update two. I made my dad a gift basket with a note since he loves to read what I write so much and won’t bother listening in person. This is what I wrote to him: “Dear Dad, since you like my writing so much, I decided to take the time and spell this out for you”. “This basket contains many options to help you. I’ve noticed your body has lost its good shape and is honestly just not pleasing to look at”. “So I have included many workout pamphlets and personal trainer contacts to help you with that. One in particular will surely help you with that stomach of yours”. “I can only imagine your frustration having a daughter that is fitter than her father since you clearly love taking your frustrations out on me”. “I highly recommend reading through the therapist contacts I have included in this basket”. “I will advise you to let Mom seek out these therapists too, as her backbone is non-existent and she lets awful men walk all over her”. “Fun fact: 110 lbs for a woman that is 5 foot 3 is healthy, if not bordering on being underweight”. “However, 240 lbs for a man in his 50s and is just scraping 5’5 is concerningly overweight”. “I would suggest taking care of that. I would hate for someone to start mocking you about it. It is very unpleasant”. “Now, all pleasantries aside, this will be the last time you hear from me”. “This will be the last time I call you Mom and Dad”. “Since I have all of my documents, I no longer need to converse with you”. “Your names have been taken off the guest list for my 21st that you so graciously refuse to help pay for”. “If you do show up, I will have police escort you off the premises”. “If you show up at my new house or merely follow me to the store, it will result in the police being called”. “If you continue this behavior, I will file a restraining order against both of you”. “If you would like a reason for this, you will have to find it yourself”. “It is quite obvious, but since you are so focused on damaging me into submission, I fear you will never understand”. “That is not my problem”. “Yes, you did bring me into this world, but you are not my parents”. “I have a family, and you will never be a part of it”. “Please do take my advice and seek help. This is not a joke, Dad. Yours truly”. I know that the note was rushed and short, but it was all I was capable of writing. My aunt’s phone has been blowing up, but she has ignored and blocked their numbers. She has even made sure to let the rest of our family know what has happened and why. As far as I know, they have been getting berated and disowned. I can’t help but feel a little bit of pride. Enforcing Boundaries Update three. After sending the letter, I felt a mix of relief and anxiety. Part of me was proud for finally standing up to them, but another part was scared of what they might do next. A few days went by with silence from their end, and I thought maybe they’d finally gotten the message. Well, the day of my 21st birthday party came around, and I was trying to focus on having a good time.